It is bittersweet looking back at my previous blog posts and seeing the person that I hoped to never lose sight of. I had the biggest hope to graduate with a Journalism degree and working at a magazine company sometime after graduation. I advised everyone to choose a career they are passionate about without knowing that I would struggle to find my own passion in the near future. I also spoke about the importance to be confident to stand up for ourselves and yet, I am striving to gain that confidence of believing in myself today. So many things happened in-between where things changed, I changed.
My desire to become a Journalist was inspired by the movie 13 Going on 30 because the main actress made it seem as if working at a magazine company was the dream. In my first Journalism course that I took in college, I quickly realized how different I was compared to the rest of my class. Everyone seemed to be interested about politics while I only enjoyed writing about myself. I can easily pinpoint this to my experience writing for teen panels because it opened the doors for me to write about anything I wanted. My writing came to life sharing about my learning experiences which quickly turned into writing about positivity. In my class, I had to find a whole different motive. I chose to write about school events instead because it was more interesting to me than politics and things going on in the news. The goal of the class was to write 700-word essays every week and interview those on campus to include them in our stories as if we weren’t already being challenged enough. To make a long story short, I interviewed a college student about a very sensitive topic-suicide, and did not expect that she would open up about the loss of her best friend the previous year. There she stood in front of me, answering questions I prepared on my notepad until she broke down crying. I immediately felt horrible to be the one that triggered her to get upset. I didn’t know what was worse. Me making someone cry or my Professor’s reaction that I did. I’ll leave that for you to judge. As soon as I told him what happened after class, he smirked and said “good”. Then he proceeded to say, “This is going to happen many times within your career so it’s good that you have experienced it now so you can prepare to face it in the future when you cover stories.” I couldn’t believe it.
After that happened, I changed my major so fast. Like literally really fast since I was only a semester in. I changed it to Business Administration. Any job in this field would be better than being the one to make someone else cry and I could also strive to go into Marketing to be as creative as I wanted to be in the first place. The only thing was that it was far from a creative field. In the real world, companies intertwine Marketing and Sales all the time. If you’re not into Sales like myself, then you have to have years and years of experience to do what you actually intended on doing with Marketing. I ended up getting a glimpse of the Marketing field in my first job out of college and decided that if I am going to be criticized for how an email looks by everyone in the company just waiting to say something negative about your hard work, I want no part of it.
It’s been a year and a half since I graduated college and I have been feeling so incredibly out of place. I wanted to go back to school to earn a Master’s Degree in Higher Education to orient any students feeling this way and though part of me believes this could be my career, there’s that other part that says, “How can you help students and proceed to give them advice when you can’t even help yourself?” I don’t even know how to respond to that thought as I continue to feel lost. I am unemployed right now and still trying to figure myself out and I wish I had a clone of the old me telling me to “Keep trying, keep moving forward, and never give up.” I had no idea what was going to hit me and I guess that’s also a good thing because it is scary.
I believe what I am trying to say-since I learn from my experiences and tie it back to a positive thought, is that sometimes the unexpected happens. You might think you have everything figured out. What you will do in your career, where you will go, everything. What that is teaching me at this very moment is how that’s our way to protect ourselves from the unpredictable world and from those around us expecting a plan every time. I am just as lost as many other people also trying to figure things out and though it’s hard to embrace, I know eventually it will get better. Soon, I will hear back from a job I’m excited about and I’ll reconsider going back to school. It’s just the overwhelming pressure put on us by society. That pressure that takes a toll on me. Right now, is my time to rediscover who I’m supposed to be and what my purpose is. I will figure this out at my own pace and with the love that surrounds me. I need my confidence back in order for me to create the impact that I have always wanted to. Since this comes with time, I will patiently wait.
Hi everyone, my name is Mayra! As you can probably tell from my blog posts, I have always enjoyed spreading some positivity- even to this day! My biggest wish has been to inspire others because engaging with people while helping them is extremely rewarding to me. Along with writing motivational posts, I also plan on giving advice. I welcome everyone to come to me for anything because I truly care about YOU!